Friday, August 22, 2008


As I sit here at my computer, I am thinking about my siblings. A brother who is experiencing fatherhood for the first time in his forties, a sister who has a brood ( I exaggerate - just 3) of children ranging from kindergarten to a new teenager and my youngest sister a recent induct into baby boot camp! Been there, done that, still doing it. Do I have any advice for you????

I do not know about advice but I can perhaps share my feeling, hindsight. Nobody told me that I would love my kids so much, what I would do for them, how far I would go for them.This was not how I imagine motherhood in my twenties. Actually, I don't think I even imagine motherhood. Which lead to my mother and others thinking I did not like children!! I just was not ready to be a mother. I had a great career and a wonderful husband who was equally driven career wise. We just wanted our time together. It would be six years into our marriage and a continent away before we would start our family and begin our love affair with our children.

Like I said, I did not put much thought into motherhood. Yes, I wanted children at the right time.I would be a good mother- nuture, feed and cloth them, piano lesson etc. No further thoughts beyond that. Like my dad said, children are like "ubi kayu" ( sweet potatoes)- stick them in the ground and they will grow. It seemed like that was how we grew up.... ( he did do more. both my parents did. They greatly influenced my life- more about that in later postings). I think they were busy providing for the four of us. As long as we were happy they were happy parents. What more is there, then making sure that your children are well adjusted and happy. Both teachers, they always made sure that one of them would be home with us.

To me, parenthood was to be a natural progression in life not a driving force in my life. I never imagine that my career would take a back seat to parenting. I don't think many who knew me back then would have imagine this life I now lead. But then, I think I was one of the earliest in my class to get married at 25.( I know 25 is not real early but I married at the earliest age among my siblings too) It just felt right and it is- will celebrate my 25 wedding anniversary in 2010!

A dear friend told me recently how devoted and dedicated a mother I am. I never looked at it that way. It naturally evolved. My children made it so easy, I am truly blessed. My daughter who inspired many friends to start families because she was so "easy" to take care of and so loving. She made them think "we can do this". My son, the irrepressible rascal with the big heart. I thank my dear husband for enabling me to be to scale back work and be able to enjoy our lives together and be the mother I am ( and hopefully a good wife!).A wonderful partner and support. I appreciate it even more so these days, as I count down the days we have with my eldest, a daughter, senior year in high school.This time, next year we will be packing her off to college.Imagine that!! I am amazed at how my son is growing up- a wonderful young man, full of life, energy and passion. A wonderful heart. It is incredible how he `grew up' right in front of my eye as he moved from elementary school to middle school last year.

So I am thinking maybe I can share some of my parenting experience.
My brother - you are lagging behind but at least you are in the race!! (ha, ha) I mean game of parenting. Second sister ( salutation for the benefit of the youngest sister), you are not far behind. We both have teenagers of the same age.Little youngest sister - the newest entry - welcome to parenthood.

And maybe it will help others -how it differs from my and maybe your upbringing. Especially for those of us born in the East and now living in the West. Each step of our children lives especially in school had been new to us - we had to find out what to do. Maybe it can benefit some of you out there.

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