Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The First Man in my Life

The first man in my life was my father. I am remembering you this day, your birthday and missing you very much. I love you Daddy. You would have been 72 today......

It is hard because you and I had a unspoken truce / memory lapse for many years. I love you and you me. There was a time in our lives when our relationship was strained. You were an exacting father and I was headstrong (still am) and as opinionated as you were. Fiercely independent, I wanted all achievements to be mine alone. You were so proud of me but thought I would not have made it without you.... Somewhere between the two lies the truth. You should have given me more credit and I you. Hind sight. We never spoke of those times but create new happier times together although I lived across the ocean from you.

I miss you each day. I see you in myself and in my children who adore you till this day. You are still very much part of their lives. Daughter L wrote you a letter as part of her college application - a person who influence her life. How you thought her to observe the small things from the Touch Me Not plant at the bottom of the steps of the train station to the Tailor Birds nests swinging in the wind. How she ran through the house singing loudly and out of tune because her grandpa did just that!( the singing not the running) You taught her it was okay to sing even if she was not good. We often laugh at how she and her brother will mix up songs like you did. How proud you would be this day to see her go to UC Berkeley.

In Son A I see the mischievousness that comes from you. He is the clown of his class, which I suspect you were. I often laugh when I think of what your reaction would be to his adventures with the ladies! He takes after his grandpa......I can picture him regaling you with stories of his conquests and heartbreaks. You with your `pearls of wisdom'. I am sure I would have something to say about the double standards you have for sons and daughters. The proud grandpa with Son A and to my daughter L, you will probably tell her what you told me. Don't let a guy lay claim on you that you don't want, watch that he does not oust the others by always being close all the time. And of course the other "Gem -Close Proximity" - be careful who you hang out with - the have a strange way of becoming attractive. Ha, ha... I miss you daddy.

Mom and siblings - do you remember daddy's Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility? It struck a chord this year as daughter L studied Economics. I remember how we threw that statement around in the house - of course, more often that not in relation to food!

Often I am in the garden and I think of dad. Of how I hated gardening because he would have us out there in the garden pulling out those dreaded Tea-leave hedge plant seedlings. How I cursed those plants. How he got so angry when I threw away some of the gazillion Monstra and Goosefeet Plants ! Really,we did not need that many. How through all this, my love of gardening had blossomed and is what gives me peace. I certainly did not think so then!! Ha, ha I remember a A+++ in English composition that came out of a particularly "hard day" of gardening with dad. No, I did not write a nasty, quite the opposite - I painted such a idealistic pictures of us - I remember to this day, the teacher said it was genuine,heartwarming with remarkable insights into human nature. Hey, I was channeling anger and frustration . Of course, playing on a teacher homesickness for her out of state family was also a great insight into human nature.

Daddy I love you. Papa I love you and miss you.

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